So theres one thing that I need to share with you guys. A lot of people don't know this about me, and the few people that do, have figured it out on their own. I struggle with depression. I have for a while now. It's different for most people. Basically, I have problems getting excited or happy about things. I laugh really easily because it seems easier than crying. I mean, I love my family and my friends. But I have a hard time showing it. Except to one special person.
People say that when you truly love someone or something, when you say it, something clicks in your mind. I feel that way about a certain person. And that scares the hell out of me. I a have felt that way once before about my dog. I don't like getting close to people or pets, because sooner or later, they leave. Without any intention on coming back. On September 9th 2013 I lost one of the most important things in my life. My puppy Bruce. That dog was my pride and joy. I love him with all my heart. Not a day goes by that i don't think about him, or think that i hear him. He was the one i told EVERYTHING too. Everyday when i came home from school, I would be crying from the bullying I went through/am still going through. Bruce would be right there, standing at the door waiting to comfort me. He would give me a kiss and follow me to my room. I would throw my stuff on the floor and clear off the bed, signaling him to jump onto it. And he would. We would just lay there, all night. I miss him with all my heart. I sleep with his blanket every night as my way of staying close to him. No one in my family is allowed to mess with it EVER. I wash it myself, fold it, and if needed, move it. I just wish there was something I could do to bring him back. Or something I could have done to stop the tumor before it spread. Yes. Bruce had a cancerous tumor in his shoulder. It made it to the point that he couldn't walk, wouldn't eat or drink, and as result, pee'd all over himself. It was painful to watch. So, after him not being able to move or eat for 4 days, my mom and I decided it was time to let him go. We took him to the vet that friday after school and had him put down and cremated. After that, I have had ALOT of trouble getting close or attached to people. Except one.
Theres a senior at my school like I like SO much. We've been hanging out a lot the last few weeks, and my friends think we look great together as a couple. We started by just meeting up at McDonalds that is in the Target plaza next door to the High School. Then, since he lives so close, he would come over to my place. At first, I decided not to get involved with him. I figured it was for the best. That was, until he kissed me. The kiss was perfect. He was perfect. He has perfect black hair. Sparkling eyes. A smile that takes my breath away. And when he kisses me? I feel something amazing. Like Its just me and him in the world. Time stops. Everything freezes. Except us.
Maybe I'm just crazy. Or maybe I love him. Then again; maybe loving him makes me crazy.
~Invisible Girl
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